Sunday, June 22, 2008

Interfaith Marriages


There are varied facets to an inter-religious marriage :

Self :
Hi, about me I am a Keralite Catholic by faith.I come from a very religious ,loving and a very very supportive family which consists of my grand-parents,parents and younger bro.I was born and brought up in Mumbai. Am a Chartered Accountant by profession and work for a leading broking house in Mumbai

My husband :
My hubby is a techie.Comes from a very liberal and broad-minded family ,for them practicality of any situation prevails over any other thing.My husband too was born and brought up in Mumbai. Works for a leading Software giant in Bangalore

How we met :
I met my husband Shiva at my work-place and an initial friendship gradually graduated to a deeper bond of friendship to a point we both realized was love.It was no fairy tale love story.I am a Catholic and my husband is a Hindu Brahmin - an Iyer and we were both not sure of whether we should test the forbidden waters:) i.e we were both sure that neither of us is going to convert to other's faith...i.e neither would I become a Hindu ,nor would he become a catholic .....After 6 months of thought process and prayers and a final silent prayer session between me, my husband and God at St.Michael's, Mahim on 20th May 06 ,we finally made the decision to get married on 30th May 2006.

Catholicism :
Since childhood,I myself had been a strong believer in Holy Trinity and shared a very close relationship with my Baby Jesus and my Mother Mary.They were my best friends since I was kid.Be it any facet of my life ,my relationship with Baby Jesus was all pervasive.A regular church-goer, a non believer in tradition but bonded to my faith.My kiddie school teachers still remember me as the student who always made the sign of the cross before starting to write the examination:) Well that's me to just give u a back-ground regarding my faith roots.
Now falling in love with a non-Catholic and a non - Christian a that,I had to answer a lot of questions raised by conscious - Does it mean that I am not a true believer?Had I placed other things above my Baby Jesus who took care of me all these years of my life ?? Had I betrayed my God ? Had I betrayed my parents and the freedom they gave me ??
I gradually found all the answers but wasn't sure whether it was the ultimate truth or whether they were the answers with which I was trying to pacify my conscience...but gradually I became firm above about my convictions and my resolve.

Love :
Well love is a wonderful gift of God but if your love takes course of an inter-religious marriage be sure to be extra cautious and pre-plan and discuss in advance some of the aspects with your partner....how seriously does one take his/her religion,does he/she practice his religion ,will he /she continue to do so after marriage (especially in the case of females since it is she who leaves her family and moves in with the boy's family as per Indian custom) ,will there be any issues , what are the religious practices you can expect to continue even after marriage , what will you impart to your children - best of both worlds, obviously but what about their faith formation , their future ?

Our families :
When I told my folks they were distraught and it took them one whole year to even digest this fact.Those were tough days.But the one who broke the ice was my grandfather , who told me that I could marry anybody I wanted as long as I was happy.At 83 years of age,I could see how much he loved me to say those words.
At my husband's place it was a a comparatively easier acceptance.

Relatives and friends :
Don't let the cat out of th bag...I mean don't tell the whole world unless your families and the closer relatives have come around and you have firmly decided as to go about your wedding.

Wedding sacrament :
To each his own...some prefer a quite registered marriage,some cases where marriage is done by both the rights,some cases where one of the partners has sacrificed his customs(where one partner converts to the other's faith).However,I was lucky to a church wedding.(Thanks to my family)If you want to get married in a church don't beat the bush ,please go and speak to your parish priest directly after you have your parents in confidence.He will be your best guide.

The legal aspect:
Remember,you should get your marriage registered under Special Marriage Act and give a compulsory 30 days notice.